Human beings are creatures of habit. Have you ever watched helplessly as your best friend picked the same kind of bad-for-her relationship partner, over and over?

That happens because we’re innately drawn to patterns of behavior that fit a pattern we’re used to. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good pat...

Should is a punishment.

There, I said it – when you should on yourself or when others should on you, punishment is involved. When you say, “I should have gone to the gym today,” you’re wagging an imaginary finger at yourself, blaming yourself for laziness or distractedness or an inability to manage...

When you feel fear, remember that on the other side of the fear is a dream.

In that moment of fear, ask yourself what you want. If you’re afraid you don’t have enough money, the dream is to have plenty of it. If you’re afraid your partner doesn’t love you anymore, the dream is that your love is as ...

In a magazine interview from 1968, genius filmmaker Stanley Kubrik said, “However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light.”

He was talking about life and the transformation of attitudes from childhood into adulthood, and about how we as humans make the choice to either become embittered by ...

Loss is inevitable. Everything that lives eventually stops living – no exceptions to that have been discovered on Planet Earth yet.

Loss is inevitable, so why does it sometimes feel so personal?

“If I’d taken better care of my dog she would have lived longer.”
“If I’d remembered to water more ofte...

Can you ignore someone’s poor behavior?
How about ignoring someone’s annoying behavior?

When you learn to ignore things that ordinarily set you off, you’re learning to create your own inner peace. When you allow someone else’s behavior to dictate yours, you’ve forgotten how to create your own inner...

Sometimes it’s really tough to ask for help.

Maybe you’re having to ask the same question you’ve asked before.
Maybe the person you need help from intimidates you a little bit.
Maybe you feel like you should be able to handle everything and shouldn’t have to ask for help.

Ask anyway.

When you all...

John W. Gardner was the Secretary of Health Education and Welfare in the 1960’s, and in a speech he said, “No matter how hard you try to please, some people in this world are not going to love you – a lesson that is at first troubling and then really quite relaxing.”

How could not being able to ple...

Just because you’re related to them, it doesn’t mean they can run rough-shod all over you.

Do you have a family member who violates your boundaries? Ask yourself, “would I accept this kind of behavior from a client?” If the answer is no, then don’t accept it from a relative either.

Don’t allow any...

Resiliency is a muscle you can build.

It’s the ability to adapt to new situations. You’ve done that your whole life.

Resiliency is gracefully letting go of the things you can’t control. OK, for most of us, this one is a bit harder, and when you learn to let go you’ll feel the wisdom and peace of i...

Your words are powerful.

People count on your words to know what you’re feeling, know what they’re supposed to do if you're their leader, know what they’re supposed to do if you're their family member or house-mate – the list goes on.

Words are powerful, so choose them carefully. When you hurt som...

Getting angry at team members who make mistakes only teaches them to hide their mistakes.

I’m not telling you to never get angry again – we’re human and have a full range of emotions that we’re supposed to feel and use. It’s good to remember how those emotions feel to others, and how our behavior c...

Do you worry about what others think of you, your abilities and your actions?

Sure, we want people to love us and approve of us and appreciate us, and it feels wonderful when they do. As a matter of fact, the approval of others gives us a shot of oxytocin, the hormone that promotes connectedness an...

How do you feel about a liar?

What if I told you that most of the time, someone who lies to you has decent motives for it – would you feel better about that person?

Think about a time in your life when you told a lie – didn’t you do it to make the other person feel better than they would have felt...

Gratitude is different than appreciation.
Nice is different than good.
Right is different than fair.

And words intended to solve a problem can be the very way a problem gets way out of hand.

Those three sets of words – gratitude and appreciation, nice and good, right and fair – are often used as...

Did your parents encourage you to learn from your mistakes? Mine did, and that’s good advice. Unfortunately, sometimes I got in trouble for making mistakes, which taught me how to deny them.

It’s hard to learn from mistakes you’re not owning up to, so if you learned the same lessons from your paren...

How do you feel when something or someone you wanted doesn’t become yours? Maybe it was a new work situation, a new house or even a new spouse?

Well, that question seems stupid, doesn’t it?

Rejection hurts. Rejection is disappointing. And then there’s this - rejection is good because it shows you ...

When you believe you’re beautiful, you are.
When you believe you’re worthy, you are.
When you believe you can do it, you can.

This isn’t just psycho-babble from some happiness nut, it’s grounded in neuroscience and human behavior. You probably know at least one person whose looks are fairly average...

It is SO easy to focus on what’s wrong. We’re taught to focus on a problem in order to find a solution, and that’s a fine way to go about solving issues in your own life.

When you take that intelligence and intuitive knowing that you have for yourself and your own life and try to impose it on the l...

Oh, new love – is there any better feeling than that?

The reason love feels so good is that we are choosing to see the best in the other person and daydreaming of how wonderful the next meeting will be. That’s easy to do when love is new, and tougher the longer you’ve been exposed to the not-so-bes...

Maya Angelou said, “Remember – every storm runs out of rain.”

How many literal rainstorms have happened during your lifetime? Hundreds? Thousands?

The only way the number could be that high is because each storm subsided and the sun came out.

That’s a literal version of what happens in life emoti...

Everything is beautiful. Everything. It’s up to you to look at in a way that highlights its beauty, not its flaws.

Every neighborhood has that one yard filled with dandelions, threatening to scatter their floating seeds all over everyone else’s pristine lawns.

If you have one of the pristine lawns...

Do you find yourself evaluating the actions of others? The way they dress, talk, look?

We’re not born judgmental, yet many of us turn out that way to one degree or another.

Think about a time when you felt judged – it’s not a good feeling, is it? Maybe you even felt as if you needed to explain you...

Has someone been unkind to you today?
Has someone tried to manipulate you today?
Has someone lied to you today?

Since you’re dealing with human beings, you’ve probably experienced some level of all of those behaviors today, unless you’re reading this right after waking up.

You can’t control how ot...

Are you a team leader and want to inspire your team? There are a lot of leadership coaches who’ll tell you to always present a strong, confident face to your team.

I disagree.

Let your team see you struggle.
Let them see you fail.
Let them see you dust yourself off and try again.

Let them see you...

No one can see past their own expectations.

This is neuroscience in action – have you ever had this happen? You buy a new car and suddenly you see your car everywhere – maybe a different color, but it’s the same car you just chose. That’s your brain, reinforcing your decision to buy that car.

Ther...

How do you define yourself?

Have you ever thought of what you think of you? Take an uninterrupted 15 minutes or so and write down words you hear your brain say about you. Then see if you can find a gentler, kinder, more loving way to say the same thing.

For example, I remember sitting at the back ...

Does your brain keep chewing on something that’s outside of your ability to change?

I remember when Dad was in the final stages of Alzheimer’s and my brothers and I made the difficult decision to take away his car keys. I bought his car, and though he was OK with it at first, he came to believe tha...

Maybe you’ve heard the saying “time heals all wounds.” Maybe you’ve even had the experience of feeling better about something not-optimal after a certain amount of time has passed. And maybe you know someone who seems to never heal from their not-optimal experience.

Or maybe you are that person on ...

How do you feel when you expect a response from someone and they’re silent?

Do you feel judged? Disrespected? Small?

If so, you’ve gone to MSU – you have NO idea what they’re really thinking. You’re assuming a negative that they may not be thinking or feeling. Heck, maybe they didn’t even hear you...

Give the gift of grace, just as you’d like everyone to give you grace.

When someone doesn’t know something, give the gift of teaching without condescending.
When someone makes a mistake, give the gift of gently reminding them what a better path would have been.
When someone lashes out in anger, giv...

Over half of Americans don’t use all of their vacation time. Are you in that group?

You earned your time off, you use some of it and at the end of the year, you give some of it back. Would you give back your salary? I don’t think so, so why do you give back your sanity?

Time away from work to do s...

You can’t worry about someone and love them at the same time.

Worry is focusing on the weakness you see in that person, and when you’re looking at their weaknesses – which we all have! – you’re not loving them.

To a lot of people, worry feels like love, but loving someone is choosing to focus on w...

Think of the most positive person you know. They may be so positive that sometimes they annoy you with their sunny outlook. Now, take this in – that person has negative thoughts, just like you.

Neuroscience research has documented the brain’s negativity bias – it’s a survival trait that we don’t re...

You know how someone gives you the willies?
You know that one thing that when you eat it, you don’t feel good the next day?
You know there’s that one street you avoid driving down and you don’t know why?

Trust those feelings.

Gut reactions – knee-jerk responses – intuition – no matter what you cal...

What do you love to do outside of your career?

Another way to ask that question – what is your hobby? Hiking with your dog? Golf? Travel? Whatever feeds your soul, do it. When looking at your weekly calendar you should see your hobby reflected there somehow. Block out time for your hobby and don’t ...

No matter how many different ways you hear that forgiveness is good for you, you might still think that there are some people who don’t deserve your forgiveness. That's a normal, human feeling. Can I help you change your mind about that?

The concept of good and evil is drilled into us in so many wa...

Is there someone in your life who goes off unpredictably, sometimes spewing anger and resentment at you?

Yeah, that happens to us all at some point in our lives. Sometimes it’s a person you can avoid being around, and sometimes it’s a co-worker or family member.

Yikes…what then? That’s when I want...

High achievers often struggle with overwhelm and imposter syndrome. Let me say that again and say it better this time – high achievers like you often struggle with overwhelm and imposter syndrome.

You’ve been driving yourself since you were a child – to get high grades, to take tough classes, to pu...

Do you know someone who is very judgmental?

Maybe they voice unflattering opinions about women who carry expensive handbags or people who drive a large vehicle or the neighbors who have a car that doesn’t move very often? They have an opinion about everyone and it’s most often not a very nice one?

Have you ever felt completely and totally misunderstood? Isn’t that the worst feeling? And it doesn’t matter how much you try to explain yourself, the other person is adamant that their interpretation of you and your motives is right and that you’re not a very nice person.

Ouch!

Please listen to t...

Maybe you've had someone go off for no apparent reason on you, too?

The other day I was driving on the interstate. A motorcyclist went by, going about 90 miles an hour. About 10 minutes later, the motorcyclist was in the lane in front of me, stuck in stand-still traffic.

It was a hot, sunny southe...

Are you feeling a little bit stuck in your life? Like you’re OK with where you are but you thought you’d be farther along by now?

Where do you want to be? What do you want to have?

When we were in school, our paths were mapped out for us – progression through classes and grades to earn graduation,...

Did someone hurt you, disrespect you or otherwise do you wrong? That’s on them.

Do you carry a grudge, tell the story of their bad behavior, or relive that story inside your head over and over?

That’s on you.

As long as you interact with other human beings, someone or something is bound to bruise...

What are you working for?
What are you dreaming of?
Are you working for a better tomorrow, and dreaming of someday?

That’s very human – as a matter of fact, brain imaging shows that inside most peoples’ heads, there’s a lot of activity when they’re thinking about their goals, hopes and dreams. The ...

Is there someone in your life that you’re trying to make happy? I don’t mean someone you do nice things for because it makes you feel good, I mean someone who is in some sort of relationship with you, doesn’t seem entirely satisfied with that relationship, and you find yourself making decisions base...

Do you have to deal with someone who’s difficult? Maybe angry, defensive, egotistical, greedy – whatever they are, they just suck the life out of you?

Instead of dreading your interactions with them, try this – feel compassion for them.

Can you imagine going through life knowing that people don’t ...

Self-confidence is something a lot of people struggle with – you, too, sometimes?

We are usually much harder on ourselves than on the people in our lives. That’s a habit developed in childhood and it doesn’t serve us well at all – listening to all that negative self-talk in your head guts your self...

Do you sometimes feel like, no matter what you do, that you’re not making a very big difference in the world? Trust me, you’re wrong about that – here’s what’s really going on.

Our strengths and talents feel very natural and organic to us, so we take them for granted. It’s easy for me to distill br...

Do you ever look at other veterinarians and think they’re so much more together than you are?

I love my veterinarian a lot and hope she doesn’t do that, and hope you don’t either.

You never know what’s going on inside another person’s head, heart and life, though humans like to think you know. You...