The Fallacy of Hurt Feelings - Wellbeing Wisdom Tiny Bites

Ouch – did someone just hurt your feelings? That’s not fun, and when the same person does it often enough, it’s a good sign for you to examine the quality of that relationship. Do they truly not care about your feelings or do they have a different way of expressing themselves, one that you’re not comfortable with?

Everyone grows up with different people around them, talking to them and treating them in ways that don’t match what you grew up with. Often, hurt feelings spring from one person expressing themselves in a way that feels normal and maybe even loving to them, and feels hurtful to the other.

It’s good to calmly ask the other person to clarify what they just said to you so you don’t misunderstand. Here’s what’s not good – when your feeling get hurt, resist the temptation to question your own self-worth.

Especially when someone we love or admire says something that stings, it’s very easy to internalize what was said, turning it into a club to beat yourself up with. What someone else thinks of you is not the definition of you. Someone’s words can only undermine your sense of self-worth when you let them.

Don’t let them.

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